Proust Questionnaire
by Yuki Akuma
Summary: A questionnaire based on the one in the magazine Vanity Fair, Gundam Wing style. Rated for languge. Alternative title: It was late and I was tired UPDATE: Added Zechs and Relena's "intereviews"
1. Heero

Heero Yuy  
  
What is your idea of perfect happiness?  
Sitting in a big, squishy chair cuddling with Duo.  
  
What is your greatest fear?  
Losing Duo. Other than that, I don't have any particular fears.  
  
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?  
My inability to show emotions at times.  
  
On what occasion do you lie?  
When I have to do it to save someone.  
  
What is your greatest regret?  
Killing that little girl and her dog.  
  
Who or what is the greatest love of your life?  
Duo Maxwell, and Hawaiian shirts.  
  
When and where were you happiest?  
When we won the war and I got drunk, and finally admitted that I loved Duo, and he said he loved me back.  
  
Which talent would you most like to have?  
I'd like to be able to play the harmonica.  
  
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what do you think it would be?  
A really fluffy couch. Specifically, Duo's really fluffy couch.  
  
Where would you like to live?  
Anywhere Duo lives. Or Hawaii.  
  
What is your most marked characteristic?  
My ability to hide emotions, I guess.  
  
What do you value most in your friends?  
Courage and honesty.  
  
Who are your favorite writers?  
I like Harper Lee. And Arthur Roth.  
  
Who are your heroes in real life?  
Duo, Trowa, Wufei, Quatre, and the rest of the Preventers. Plus the woman who writes the Harry Potter books.  
  
What is it that you most dislike?  
I don't like the color pink.  
  
What historical figure do you most identify with?  
Heero Yuy.  
  
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?  
  
"Hn" and "I love you Duo."  
  
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?  
I would make it easier for me to smile.  
  
What trait do you most deplore in others?  
I don't like it when people lie or betray their comrades.  
  
What do you dislike most about your appearance?  
My hair gets annoying at times.  
  
What living person do you most despise?  
It's a toss up between Martha Stewart and Relena.  
  
What deceased person do you most despise?  
Elvis.  
  
What is your current state of mind?  
I'm indifferent.  
  
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?  
Not being with Duo and knowing he could have been mine.  
  
What are your favorite names?  
Koichi and Yadate.  
  
How would you like to die?  
Sky diving. With Duo.  
  
What is your motto?  
Act on your emotions. 


	2. Duo

Duo Maxwell  
  
What is your idea of perfect happiness?  
Being with Heero for the rest of my life. Also, being able to fly just by flapping my arms really hard. If I could do that, it would be cool.  
  
What is your greatest fear?  
Losing my friends.  
  
On what occasion do you lie?  
I'm Duo Maxwell. I may run, or hide, but I never lie. Well, I guess if someone bribed me to lie with a whole shitload of candy, I might do it. I like chocolate.  
  
What is your greatest regret?  
That I never got to have a real family.  
  
Who or what is the greatest love of your life?  
Heero Yuy. Weeell...Chocolate comes in as a close second.  
  
When and where were you happiest?  
When we won the war, and everyone was all like "Yay!". There were lots of parties after that, and when Heero got all drunk, he told me he loved me. It was pretty damn hilarious, cause he was all smashed.  
  
Which talent would you most like to have?  
I'd like to be able to eat two large pepperonni pizzas in twenty minutes without barfing. Wait....I can already do that. I guess I would like to be able to fly just by flapping my arms really hard. That would be a kickass talent!  
  
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what do you think it would be?  
I would come back as a pair of Heero's spandex shorts.  
  
  
Where would you like to live?  
Egypt.  
  
What is your most marked characteristic?  
People say I talk too much.  
  
What do you value most in your friends?  
Honesty.  
  
Who are your favorite writers?  
Mark Twain, Edgar Allen Poe, umm...Stephen King, Dean Koontz, and Jhonen Vasquez.  
  
Who are your heroes in real life?  
  
Heero, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, Sally, Hilde, Zechs, annnnnd....anyone whose ever been seriously hurt emotionally or physically and has continued living everyday with hope.  
  
What is it that you most dislike?  
Relena's voice. And her pink limo. I don't like clowns either, or the Welchs Juice girl. She's so damn cute, it's scary.  
  
What historical figure do you most identify with?  
I guess...umm...Abraham Lincoln.  
  
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?  
"Godammit! My braid is not a leash! LEGGO!" and... "I love you, Heero."  
  
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?  
I'd be taller.  
  
What trait do you most deplore in others?  
Dishonesty, and racism.  
  
What do you dislike most about your appearance?  
Nothing- I leave that up to my public.  
  
What living person do you most despise?  
The Welchs Juice Girl.  
  
What deceased person do you most despise?  
Hitler.  
  
What is your current state of mind?  
I'm passive.  
  
What do you consider your greatest achievement?  
Getting Heero to admit he loves me, and eating two large pepperonni pizzas in twenty minutes without throwing up.  
  
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?  
Living each day without hope. Or getting shot in the balls.  
  
What are your favorite names?  
Soleil Moon Fry, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, and Gary.  
  
How would you like to die?  
With Heero. Like maybe we'd both be hit by a bus or something.  
  
What is your motto?  
I have a couple:  
"Carpe Noctem."  
"I run, I hide, but I never lie."  
"Look both ways before crossing the street." 


	3. Trowa

Trowa Barton  
  
What is your idea of perfect happiness?  
Being with Quatre for the rest of my life. And having an unlimited amount of coffee.  
  
What is your greatest fear?  
Losing Quatre.  
  
On what occasion do you lie?  
When Catherine cooks, and asks if its good.  
  
What is your greatest regret?  
Never learning how to play the electric guitar.  
  
Who or what is the greatest love of your life?  
Quatre Winner and caffine.  
  
When and where were you happiest?  
When we won the war, and Quatre and I admitted we loved each other.  
  
Which talent would you most like to have?  
I'd like to be able to sleep standing up. That would be fun.  
  
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what do you think it would be?  
A lava lamp.  
  
Where would you like to live?  
Spain.  
  
What is your most marked characteristic?  
I don't talk a lot.  
  
What do you value most in your friends?  
The ability to know when to be quiet.  
  
Who are your favorite writers?  
Agatha Christie and Robin Cook are pretty good.  
  
Who are your heroes in real life?  
Quatre, Heero, Wufei, Duo, Cathrine, Sally, and Martin Luther King Juinor.  
  
What is it that you most dislike?  
War and Tofu.  
  
What historical figure do you most identify with?  
Chief Sitting Bull.  
  
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?  
"Give me back my waffle, Duo!" and "I love you, Quatre."  
  
  
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?  
I'd make myself a little shorter.  
  
What trait do you most deplore in others?  
Racism.  
  
What do you dislike most about your appearance?  
At times, my hair.  
  
What living person do you most despise?  
We have a really annoying neighbor named George. He bugs me.  
  
What deceased person do you most despise?  
The person who killed Martin Luther King Junior. If he's not dead, he deserves to be.  
  
What is your current state of mind?  
Caffine deprieved. Is that a good answer?  
  
What do you consider your greatest achievement?  
Once, I beat Wufei in poker. That was pretty cool. I won twenty bucks and his boxers.  
  
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?  
Having a terminal disease that caused a slow and painful death.  
  
What are your favorite names?  
Happy Noodle Boy, Warren, Russell, Eva, Tommy Lin, and Mai.  
  
How would you like to die?  
With Quatre.  
  
What is your motto?  
Live each day as though it is your last. 


	4. Quatre

Quatre Winner  
  
What is your idea of perfect happiness?  
Being with Trowa forever, and being able to drink a lot of alchohol without getting drunk would be pretty neat.  
  
What is your greatest fear?  
Losing Trowa, and scorpians. Yuch.  
  
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?  
My cute voice. Its so fucking hard to get people to listen to me, because they treat me like a little kid all because of my stupid voice!.  
  
On what occasion do you lie?  
When it's to make other people feel better.  
  
What is your greatest regret?  
Well, once I went to this one restaurant, and they had two things that looked good. Swordfish and Kalamari. I took the squid. I wish I had taken the swordfish.  
  
Who or what is the greatest love of your life?  
Trowa Barton. Peppermint Schnopps is pretty good too.  
  
When and where were you happiest?  
When we won the war and I told Trowa I loved him, and he said he loved me. Then we drank Schnopps, got totally shnogged, and screwed like rabbits.  
  
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what do you think it would be?  
It would be pretty cool to come back as a tiger. A Siberian Tiger. Yeah.  
  
Where would you like to live?  
Its a toss up between France and Egypt.  
  
What is your most marked characteristic?  
My cute voice. Yuch.  
  
What do you value most in your friends?  
Their caring.  
  
Who are your favorite writers?  
Dean Koontz, and whoever wrote the Bhagavad Gita.  
  
Who are your heroes in real life?  
Trowa, Wufei, Duo, Heero, Sally, and Jon Stewart. he's pretty cool. So is Yoko Kanno. She writes meaningful music.  
  
What is it that you most dislike?  
I don't like Diet Mountain Dew. It tastes like backwash.  
  
What historical figure do you most identify with?  
Mohammed Ali.  
  
  
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?  
"Dammit all! My name is not Master Quatre! ITS QUATRE!!" and "I love you, Trowa."  
  
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?  
I'd change my voice, and make myself just a bit taller.  
  
What trait do you most deplore in others?  
I don't like it when people don't like others just because they are different.  
  
What do you dislike most about your appearance?  
I'm too damn short!  
  
What living person do you most despise?  
Oprah.  
  
What deceased person do you most despise?  
Saddam Housain. What? He's not dead? Well then, hire someone to kill him!!  
  
What is your current state of mind?  
I'm kinda sleepy. Does that count?  
  
What do you consider your greatest achievement?  
Helping win the war.  
  
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?  
Being alone for your whole life. That would SUCK.  
  
What are your favorite names?  
Alexandra, Dominick, and Bob. Bob is a cool name.  
  
How would you like to die?  
I want to die like right after Trowa, maybe from a heart attack.  
  
What is your motto?  
"I tried, Godammit! I Tried!" 


	5. Wufei

Wufei Chang  
  
What is your idea of perfect happiness?  
Finding my soul mate and living with them forever.  
  
What is your greatest fear?  
Losing hope.  
  
On what occasion do you lie?  
To protect the honor of others.  
  
What is your greatest regret?  
Never telling Meilan that I loved her.  
  
Who or what is the greatest love of your life?  
Meilan, and my Gundam Nataku.  
  
When and where were you happiest?  
When we won the war. Being surrounded by my friends and all those happy people made everything perfect.  
  
Which talent would you most like to have?  
I'd like to be able to scare the shit out of people just by glaring at them like Yuy does.  
  
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what do you think it would be?  
A dove.  
  
Where would you like to live?  
Africa.  
  
What is your most marked characteristic?  
My sense of Justice.  
  
What do you value most in your friends?  
Strength and a sense of justice.  
  
Who are your favorite writers?  
I have too many to count.  
  
Who are your heroes in real life?  
Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Sally, Treize, and Thich Nhat Hanh.  
  
What is it that you most dislike?  
Anchovies.  
  
What historical figure do you most identify with?  
Buddha.  
  
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?  
"Justice will be served!" and "Nataku!"  
  
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?  
  
I would make my nose less pointy.  
  
What trait do you most deplore in others?  
Weakness.  
  
What do you dislike most about your appearance?  
My nose.  
  
What living person do you most despise?  
Relena Darlian.  
  
What deceased person do you most despise?  
Treize Khushrenada.  
  
What is your current state of mind?  
I am calm.  
  
What do you consider your greatest achievement?  
Fighting with Nataku.  
  
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?  
Being paralyzed from the neck down and having an itchy nose. That would be horrid.  
  
What are your favorite names?  
Nataku. And Ashton.  
  
How would you like to die?  
Surrounded by my friends  
  
What is your motto?  
"If at first you don't succeed, try again."  
Or   
"If at first you don't succeed: Cheat." 


	6. Zechs

Zechs Marquise/Milliardo Peacecraft  
  
Note: The author would like to note that Mr. Zechs was quite mentally unstable at the time the "interview" took place. He had been living in the same house as his sister for five months, and she compelled him to become nuts. So, none of Mr.Marquise's answers should be taken seriously. If they are taken seriously, I cannot be held responsible for what happens. Onto the questionnaire.  
  
What is your idea of perfect happiness?  
Getting away from *twitch* Relena *twitch*  
  
What is your greatest fear?  
Relena...*twitchtwitch* NO WAIT!! BUNNIES!! IM SCARED OF BUNNIES, NOT MY *twitch* DEAR *twitch* LOVING *twitchtwitch* SISTER!!  
  
On what occasion do you lie?  
I lied when I said Relena is my dear loving sister. *twitchtwitch* NOOOOO!! I NEVER LIE! NOT ME UHH-UHH NOOOO!!  
  
What is your greatest regret?  
Not suffocating Relena when she was little. *BZAP!*  
  
(Author would like to note that Mr.Zechs is wearing a shock collar and that Ms.Relena was spotted earlier stalking the author and her brother holding a small remote control.) Who or what is the greatest love of your life?  
Wufe-*BZAP!* @_@ Releeenaa........  
  
When and where were you happiest?  
I'm never happy! GET ME OUT!! HEEEELLP-*BZAP!!* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Which talent would you most like to have?  
*_* Uuuuuuhh... *sits there drooling, a vacant stare on his face*  
  
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what do you think it would be?  
Die...? YES!! KILL ME NOWW!!! SHOOT ME PLEASE!! *twitch* *BZAP!* X_x  
  
Where would you like to live?  
Anywhere but here, here is hell!! *BZAP!**BZAP!* *twitch*twitch*  
  
What is your mkost marked charecteristic?  
X_X  
  
What do you value most in your friends?  
Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....*BZAP*  
  
  
Who are your favorite writers?  
Someone kill her!! SHOOT NOW!!! *twitch*   
  
Who are your heros in real life?  
I want my mommy  
  
What is it that you most dislike?  
Relena...must...DIE!! *BZAP!*  
  
What historical figure do you most identify with?  
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!  
  
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?  
KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!!!  
  
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?  
*Bzap!* X_x Hair....burned off...scalp..*twitch*  
  
What trait do you most deplore in others?  
Torture....she's...EVIIIIIIIIIL....*BZAP!*  
  
What do you dislike most about your appearence?  
Bbbbbbuuuuhhhdddfffeeeegg....Mwehehehehe!  
Translation: My mask. Why do I wear one? Something smells funny. Ooh, a hamster! Mwehehehehe!  
  
What living person do you most despise?  
RELENA!! I HATE RELENA!! *BZAP!*  
  
What deceased person do you most despise?  
Reeeeeeeeeleeeenaaa....gonnnnna geeeeeeeeeeeeet yoooooooou... *twitch*  
  
What is your current state of mind?  
*_*  
  
What do you consider your greatest achievement?  
*drools* Uhhh....  
  
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?  
My life! MY LIFE IS *BZAP* SHIT!!"  
  
What are your favorite names?  
X_x Harry Potter....weeeee...  
  
How would you like to die?  
NOW!! SHOOT ME NOW!!! AIIIIIIA!  
  
What is your motto?  
Kill Relena.... *BZAP**BZAP**BZAP**BZAP**BZAP**BZAP*  
  
  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR  
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG  
  
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Author would like to note that some events took place after the "interview" took place; the following is a carefully edited version of what happened.)  
  
Zechs: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *tears off the collar*  
Relena: O.O Eeep! Bad big brother!! *runs*  
Zechs: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWAKAWAKAWAKA!!! *pulls out a grenade launcher from no where*  
Relena: I WAAAS JUUUUUST TRYIIIING TOOO BEEEEEEEEEEEEE A GOOOOOD LIIIITLE SIIIIIIISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Zechs: *aims and pulls trigger* EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!!!!!  
Relena: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!   
  
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*  
  
Zechs: *throws off all his clothes and runs away naked screaming like a rabid weasel* FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I'M FREEE!! WATCH OUT WORLD, HERE COMES MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!  
  
Mob of fan girls: O.O  
  
Author: -.- Good grief.   
  
Mob of fan girls: O.O  
  
Mob of fan boys: O.O  
  
Author: Enough. *writes clothes back onto Zechs*  
  
Mob of fan boys/girls: Awwww!  
  
Author: Shut up. Leave!! GO!! Now!! *threatens group with an uzi*  
  
Zechs: *runs into author and tramples author, breaking many of the author's bones and forcing the author to spend many days in the hospital* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!  
  
Author: And they all lived happily...well, mediorcely ever after.   
(The author would like to take this time to note that Johnny Depp is a hotty. That is all.)  
  
(Author would also like to note that author had just pulled an all-nighter with thirteen cups of coffee and that author will probably regret writing something this stupid and totally pointless in the near future. That is really all.) 


	7. Relena

Relena Darlian/Peacecraft/whatever-the-hell-she-calls-herself-nowadays  
  
(Author would like to note that Ms.Relena has somehow mysteriously revived since her brother's "interview".)  
  
What is your idea of perfect happiness?  
Marry Heero and having lots of little chibi Heero's. *sighs and gets a starry look in her eyes*  
  
What is your greatest fear?  
Well...I'm afraid of wax. You now, hair wax. It scares me.  
  
On what occasion do you lie?  
Me? Lie? *halo appears above head*  
  
What is your greatest regret?  
Not telling Heero that I love him.  
  
Who or what is the greatest love of your life?  
Heero.....Ah, he's soooooo dreamy....  
  
When and where were you happiest?  
When I first met Heero.  
  
Which talent would you most like to have?  
Mmm....Heero....*is daydreaming*  
  
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what do you think it would be?  
As Heero's wife!!  
  
Where would you like to live?  
Anywhere Hee-chan does.   
  
What is your mkost marked charecteristic?  
My ability to track down Heero no matter where he is.  
  
What do you value most in your friends?  
I have no friends. Oops, did I say that outloud?  
  
Who are your favorite writers?  
I haven't had time to learn how to read. I've been too busy stalking Heero.  
  
Who are your heros in real life?  
Heero.  
  
What is it that you most dislike?  
Duo Maxwell. Rar.  
  
What historical figure do you most identify with?  
God.  
  
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?  
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERO!! COME KILL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"  
  
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?  
O.O Why, nothing! I'm absolutely perfect!  
  
What trait do you most deplore in others?  
Ugliness.  
  
What do you dislike most about your appearence?  
Nothing! I've already said I'm perfect!  
  
What living person do you most despise?  
That Treize man. He smells funny.  
  
(Author would like to note that author asked Ms. Relena when she actually got close enough to Mr.Treize to sniff him. Ms. Relena replied by waving her hand and giggling.)  
What deceased person do you most despise?  
  
What is your current state of mind?  
Hmm? What's a mind?  
  
What do you consider your greatest achievement?  
Ummm....Staying alive for 16 years?  
  
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?  
Being without Heero. *sniffles* Like I am now. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! *sobs*  
  
What are your favorite names?  
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERO!!! *sniffle**sniffle*  
  
How would you like to die?  
With Heero!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERO!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!  
  
What is your motto?  
"If at first you don't succeed, try again....and again...and again...and again..."  
  
(Author would like to note that author had absolutely NOTHING to do with Ms. Relena's disappearance after the "interview". And even if the author DID have anything to do with the murde-...disappearance, the world should be thankful. That is all.) 


End file.
